Stephen Hawking, 1942 - 2018

Celebrity physicist and inveterate cameo-apperarer Stephen Hawking passed away today.

Stephen Hawking, best known for his best-selling science books A Brief History of Time, and The Selfish Gene, was born in 1942 in Oxford, meaning he both went to, and came from Oxford, which suggests that he didn't really go anywhere.

As a child, the Hawking family moved to St Albans, where eight-year-old Stephen attended St Albans High School for Girls, which must have been a bit confusing.

He also later attended Radlett School, where he learned to scrape hot cheese into a delicious sandwich.

Although known at school as "Einstein", Hawking was not initially successful academically. But then again, neither was Einstein, so perhaps it was a clever nickname after all.

Things really began to kick off when Hawking began his university education studying mathematics and the use of redundant words at University College, Oxford University, Oxford. Although initially he was bored and lonely – finding the work "ridiculously easy", the poor petal, in his second and third year he developed into a popular college member, interested in classical music and science fiction, the daft nerd.

Hawking's attempts to shatter the nerd stereotype were not as successful as hoped

Hawking received a first-class degree in natural science and toddled off to Cambridge to study Cosmology and other well-known women's magazines.

It was around this time that Hawking was diagnosed, shortly after his 21st birthday as suffering from motor neurone disease, which might have discouraged a lesser soul.

Not Hawking though, who went on to complete his thesis on the topic of The Entire Universe.

Stephen Hawking as Newt Scamander in the film Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them

From 1973, Hawking moved into the study of quantum gravity and quantum mechanics, which are like regular gravity and mechanics, except they don't make any sense. And it was around this time he took part in The Black Hole War, a conflict featuring substantially fewer lasers and more academic bickering than you might hope.

This was all part of Hawking's move into the even-bigger question of 'what's it all about eh?' as famously also posed by Alfie.

Hawking was keen to discover a grand unified theory of the universe, declaring, "If we discover a complete theory, it would be the ultimate triumph of human reason – for then we should know the mind of God." This, of course, included the risk the we came to know the mind of God and it was thinking "I wonder if I left the oven on."  But Hakwing was a risk-taker.

Part of this quest included his writings that brought the clever stuff of physics within touching distance of the average human understanding. His book A Brief History of Time was a tome everyone bought, some of them read, and a handful understood even through the last chapters where it all gets a bit difficult. It sold an estimated 9 million copies. Wow.

This brought Hawking fame as a scientist, leading him to become the voice of science, which was ironic as by this point his disease had progresses such that he required an electronic speech synthesiser, about as apt a 'voice of science' as you could imagine.

Hawking began to appear in a wide variety of pop culture outlets, including a cameo role on The Simpsons, which is how you really know you've made it.

He wasn't always right, though. He had a long standing bet with Peter Higgs over the existence of the Higgs Boson (which, unsurprisingly, Higgs was a big fan of). The two would debate the existence of this particle vigorously, right up until the moment someone build a Large Hadron Collider, mashed a few molecules together and went 'Look, there's one over there'.

To his credit, Hawking immediately paid up.

Hawking is also one of the few people in history to hold a party at which nobody turns up, and he's glad.

As a test of his thinking that time travel is impossible, Hawking held a party open to all in 2009. He had food and champagne laid on for all comers. But he publicised the party only after it was over so that only time-travellers would know to attend.

Nobody came, as he expected, and he was delighted.

Of course, it's possible time travellers have better things to do than attend celebrity parties, but it was all good PR and anything that continues to keep people interested in science has to be a good thing.

Where you're going, you don't need wheels

Hawking died in his home in Cambridge, England at the age of 76, which is pretty good going for someone given only a few years to live at the age of 21.

Good on you Stephen, you sure showed 'em.

Lovebug Starski 1960 - 2018

Musician and DJ Lovebug Starski, has died.

Lovebug Starski was born Kevin Smith in the Bronx on May 16, 1960.

As a youth he was a member of the notorious Black Spades gang, who managed to avoid people asking if perhaps their name was a bit racist mostly because “Everyone used to carry machetes,” as he told one reporter.

Beyond this, though, Lovebug Starski was a mainstay of the emerging rap scene in the 1970s. He started out carrying records and equipment for the disco D.J. Pete “DJ” Jones, during which he was known as Kevin “Carries the Kit” Smith.

Cleverly changing his name to Lovebug Starski, in 1978 he became was the house D.J. at the crucial South Bronx club ‘Disco Fever’, sister club to Harlem’s ‘Rockin’ Pneumonia’, and New Jersey’s ‘Funk Rickets’.

But things really took off after The Sugarhill Gang released Rapper’s Delight. This was a dessert similar to Angel Delight but with more diamonds and cocaine, and which prompted a huge increase in interest in rapping.

This was good news for Starski, who had been supplementing his DJ work by investigating crime with his friend and partner Hutch, but who now started releasing his own singles as an MC.

At the start of his career, an impoverished Starski had to make his jumpers out of coloured bin liners

His first album was House Rocker in 1986. This featured his most successful chart single, Amityville (The House on the Hill), which made it to number 12 on the UK singles chart. #

To celebrate, Starski did lots and lots of cocaine. Very shortly afterwards, he was arrested twice for burglary and once for petty larceny, and was incarcerated until 1991. Because cocaine.

After his release he returned to DJ-ing and producing. In the 1990s he was the D.J. at Kimora Lee’s wedding to exercise guru Richard Simmons, and at various events Phat Farm, a spa and retreat for overweight dyslexics.

In recent years he moved to Las Vegas and took up a weekly residency at the rooftop lounge of Indian restaurant Turmeric and made various other appearances.

But sadly Starski experienced a fatal heart attack on February 8th, suffered whilst moving speakers, in a tragic callback to his start in the industry. Goodbye Lovebug Starski. Hip hop hard in heaven.

Mark E Smith 1957 - 2018

Mark E Smith, singer and front man of post-punk band The Fall has died.

Smith was raised in Prestwich, Greater Manchester, a town famed for its flattened sandwiches, and attended Stand Grammar School for Boys, an educational establishment that managed to balance its budget by simply selling all the chairs.

Before finding success with music, Smith’s first job was in a meat factory, where he assembled cows on the production line. After this, he became a shipping clerk in Salford. Or at least that was his excuse for going down to the docks every day.

Although not initially all that interested in music, Smith formed The Fall after seeing the Sex Pistols’ famous Lesser Free Trade Hall gig in June 1976. This became dubbed “the gig that changed the world”, because, as well as Smith, it was witnessed by future members of Joy Division, the Smiths and Buzzcocks, who all left with a sudden realisation that to form a band, being interested in music was really just a nice-to-have.

"Where do you get your ideas from, Mark?"

Named after Smith’s favourite season, The Fall’s original line-up soon fell victim to what would prove to be Smith’s signature lyric – “hey band member, you’re sacked!”. In fact, Smith was the only constant member in The Fall, which over the years managed to boast a total of 66 members.

Throughout the changing lineups, The Fall produced songs showcasing Smith’s biting and caustic wit delivered with a tuneless, declamatory style. Which apparently people liked. Over the years, The Fall succeeded in producing 31 studio albums and 32 live albums, not including the output of his other band Mark E Mark and the Funky Bunch.

Smith wasn’t just a musician though. In 1986, he wrote the play Hey, Luciani based around the short reign of Pope John Paul I because, why not? Smith also made an appearance in the BBC Three sitcom Ideal in May 2007, playing a foulmouthed, chain-smoking Jesus because, why not?

"You're fired!" Bandmember's-eye view

Originally a Labour supporter, Smith later joined the Socialist Workers Party. That said, when asked what policies he would adopt if he became Prime Minister, he said "I'd half the price of cigarettes, double the tax on health food, then I'd declare war on France,” which sounds like classic UKIP.

As suggested by his inability to hang on to band members, Smith was not an easy character to get on with. A drinker with a dark side, he was described by his first wife Brix (who Smith finally wed after aborted dalliances with Straw and Stix respectively) as a man who "had a chip on both shoulders” and, apparently no ketchup, which may explain the grumpiness.

Eventually, the booze and the fags took their toll on Smith’s health, leading him to play some of his later gigs from a wheelchair, leaving fans wondering if it was some artistic statement or if he just couldn’t stand up. It was the latter. Smith’s health worsened and finally, he passed away.

If there’s a music heaven, Smith is probably up there now, trying to sack the angels. 

Bella Emberg 1937 - 2018

Bella Emberg, actress, comedy talent, Blunderwoman, has passed away.

She was born in Brighton to actors Bela Lugosi and Anita Emberg. A natural performer, she made her entertainment debut in Ryde, Isle of Wight in 1962. Whilst there, the poor reception she initially experienced led the Beatles to write a song about her experience, featuring the famous lyric "She got a ticket to Ryde and they don't care."

Undeterred, she went on to appear in British classic TV shows including a role on Grange Hill as a cleaner, an appearance on The Benny Hill show as the sexy lady least likely to actually catch Benny, and a small appearance in the show consisting entirely of footage of traffic policement sleeping on the job, Z Cars.

True fame came to Bella, though in her performances alongside comedian Russ Kane, who was at that time the head of a monastery, in The Russ Abbott Show which ran from 1980 to 1996. Emberg most memorably played Blunderwoman alongside Russ as Cooperman, a hilarious re-imagining of Superman as a traditional barrel-maker.

Be careful when she spins round to transform, or she'll have yer eye out

Emberg could raise a laugh just walking on screen in that costume, about which she recalled, "The first time I put it on, I span around and my boobs fell out!", leading her to keep them safely in a locked drawer for subsequent performances.

Ironically iconic, Emberg became so known for that one role that it created problems in her later career. "I went for jobs, "she recalled, "and they'd say: 'We'd love to hire you but you're too well known with Russ. But once every few weeks, I go and look at that Blunder Woman costume, still hanging up at home, and feel nothing but gratitude." Despite it being dry-clean only.

Emberg supplemented her income in later years by hiring herself out as a Christmas ornament

Emberg continued to work, though, and she had recently finished filming her part on the new Sky One comedy In The Long Run, which has been created by Idris Elbow and is due to premiere later this year. So watch out for that.

Rest in peace Bella, you made us laugh, thank you.

Keith Chegwin 1957 - 2017

Keith Chegwin, presenter, nudist and inventor of the slightly-racist boardgame Chinese Cheggers, died today.

Chegwin was born in Liverpool on 17^th January 1957. As a young man he was talent-spotted by June Collins, the mother of Phil Collins. This was how young Keith came to sing the first song that Phil Collins ever wrote, an experience which sadly put neither of them off the idea.

His TV career started with roles with the Children's Film Foundation (now known as Platinum Dunes) and quickly graduated to mainstream TV. In 1973, Chegwin appeared in the pilot episode of Open All Hours, about an old shopkeeper, and The Liver Birds, a series following the adventures of a pair of female Hannibal Lecter copycats. He also appeared in more adult fare, featuring in ITV’s ode to masturbation, The Wackers and also in the controversial interracial porno, The Adventures of Black Beauty. 

In the mid 1970s, Chegwin moved away from acting, becoming a household name as a presenter of the multi-ethnic swinging show, Multi-coloured Swap Shop. After this came stints on Saturday Superstore, which introduced a generation of kids to the delights of a Saturday job on the tills at Morrisons, and of course the tragically prophetic, Cheggers Goes Pop.

To recreate this classic Cheggers look, just ask your hairdresser for the 'Menopausal Headmisstress'

Chegwin's career waned in the late 1980s and 1990s, due to his alcoholism, which he revealed to Richard and Judy in 1992, leading a sympathetic Richard Madely to swipe a couple of bottles of champagne for him from the local Tesco.

Not to be kept down, Cheggers made something of a revival with a role in Channel 4’s The Big Breakfast. His segment, Down Your Doorstep, saw Keith investigating the horrors of homelessness with his usual cheeky charm, coining the catchphrase, “Wake up you beggars – it’s Cheggers!”

Probably his most famous role in his later years, though, was when Cheggers made headlines for the show The Naked Jungle for Channel 5. This was presented by Chegwin entirely naked apart from one item of clothing - a pith helmet – making life entirely too easy for the nation’s headline writers.

Christine Keeler also died this  month

After this, Cheggers’ career followed the traditional route for declining fame – featuring on Celebrity Big Brother, appearing as a contestant on BBC1's painfully—aptly named Pointless Celebrities, and competing in Dancing on Ice, in which celebrities would attempt to figure skate after smoking a substantial amount of methamphetamine.

His autobiography, Shaken But Not Stirred, was published in 1995, and he passed away from lung disease today.

Goodbye Cheggers.

Bruce Forsythe 1928 – 2017

Bruce Forsythe, singer, dancer and author of Day of The Jackal, has died.

Bruce was born and raised in Edmonton, Middlesex. He was born to Florence, a singer, and John Thomas Forsythe-Johnson, also known as The Machine.

He started in show business aged 14 with an act called “Boy Bruce, the Mighty Atom” in which, the young Bruce would go 12 rounds with female boxer Barbara Buttrick. It wasn’t long, though, before, Bruce made his debut on television.

He made his first appearance at the age of 11 in 1939, just three years after BBC started. The show was Come and Be Televised, an early foray by the BBC into broadcasting amateur porn.

After this, Bruce tried to develop his career. His first advert in trade paper The Stage read: "Bruce Forsyth: available for anything," which any viewer of Come and be Televised would have known already.

Regular strikes in the seventies meant you could be left waiting at the Post Office for hours

Meanwhile, the other big ticket event of 1939 was the outbreak of World War II. All the nation’s healthy young men were signed up for the fight. Except Bruce.

As it happened, the list of essential-to-the-nation professions protected from being drafted for the front lines included doctors, sewage workers, miners and light entertainers. So Brucey bravely battled the Bosch from Studio B, deploying an arsenal of pithy one-liners in the service of freedom, democracy and a nice chuckle for that tricky hour between the end of the news and the start of the bombing.

 Bruce was probably most famous for his stints on a string of much-loved British games shows. He fronted The Generation Game, a show in which families competed to see who could pedal up the most electricity in 30 minutes, Play Your Cards Right, which asked contestants to look at a playing card and decide if it was a big number, or a small one, and You Bet! where a group of players had to guess which one of them was secretly in recovery with Gamblers Anonymous.

A still from Brucey’s controversial Stork adverts. Many found the strapline ‘buy Stork margarine or I’ll fucking kill you’ a little full-on. 

In 1986, he even went to the United States to host a game show on ABC, Bruce Forsyth's Hot Streak, in which he would interrupt a different sporting event each week by running onto the pitch wearing nothing but a light coating of chilli sauce.

Not all his gameshows were so popular, however. His failures included Takeover Bid (there were no bids), Hollywood or Bust (bust) and Didn’t They Do Well, which was a title just asking for trouble really.

In his personal life, Bruce was blessed with many loves. From 1953 to 1973, he was married to Penny Calvert. After this, he was married to Anthea Redfern, the hostess on The Generation Game. Then, in 1980, judging the 1980 Miss World competition, he fell in love with fellow judge, 1975’s Miss World, Wilnelia Merced.

From marrying the girl next door to wedding a TV celebrity to hitching up with Miss World, it’s hard not to suspect he spent his life working up not just the career ladder, but the wife ladder as well. He did equally well on both ladders.

Forsthye had something of a late-career renaissance as co-presenter of S&M Ballroom Competition Strictly Come Dancing. In fact, it was on a special edition of this show that he made his last ever TV appearance - Strictly Children in Need Special, in which the normal dancers and celebrities were replaced for one episode only by at-risk youth.

In the end, ill-health caught up with Bruce. After a chest infection, and other issues, on 18 August 2017 he died at his home.

He made it to the grand old age of 89, having had a career in television for almost as long as there had been television. Didn't he do well?

Brucey Bonus– five famous Forsythe phrases 

1. “Didn’t he do well.” 
2. “Nice to see you, to see you, nice.” 
3. “Powerful you have become, the dark side I sense in you.” 
4. “You don’t get anything for a pair, not in this game, this isn’t snap, for fuck’s sake.“ 
5. “You’re much fitter than my current wife, will you marry me?”

Glenn Campbell 1936 - 2017

The country singer Glenn Campbell has died.

 Glen Travis Campbell was born in Billstown on April 22, 1936, the seventh son of twelve children. It is not recorded whether his father was also a seventh son, but then nobody has seen a picture of Campbell down by the crossroads either.

Glenn was born to John Wesley, theologian and the inventor of Methodism, and Carrie Dell Campbell. The family were sharecroppers, which meant they grew stock certificates from seed investments.

Campbell started playing guitar at age four after being given a five-dollar guitar as a gift by his uncle Boo, which was a surprise.

By the time he was six he was performing on local radio stations, probably because it was a lot preferable to picking cotton. In 1954 he moved to Albuquerque to join his uncle’s band, known as Dick Bills, a popular slang terms for penicillin prescriptions.

Eventually, Campbell headed West to Los Angeles where he joined the superviliain group the Wrecking Crew, comprised of Bulldozer, Piledriver, Thunderball, and the Wrecker.

Whilst there, he also played on recordings by big names including Dean Martin, Nat King Cole, The Monkeys, Frank Sinatra and Elvis Presley.

In May 1961 Campbell was signed up by Crest toothpaste, for whom he created his famous range of soups. In 1965 he finally had a hit, reaching number 45 on the Hot 100 with "Universal Soldier". The song had a deeply pacifist message. When asked about it, Campbell said, "people who are advocating burning draft cards should be hung.” Right then.

Things continued to look up and Campbell had more hits with Wichita Lineman, the ballad of a Kansas cocaine dealer, and Galveston a haunting hymn to the pink indigestion medicine.

Campbell's producer told him it was high time he 'laid down some tracks' 

Campbell’s most famous hit came in the mid-1971s, when he reached number one with Rhinestone Cowboy, from the soundtrack to the New York hustler movie starring Dustin Hoffman.

It wasn’t all good news. his first feature film, 1970's Norwood, flopped almost everywhere, except for a niche South London crowd. And Campbell lapsed into alcoholism and cocaine addiction, possibly due to the stress of his ongoing feud with Macdonalds - he would freak out if he so much as glanced at a fillet-o-fish.

Few remembered Campbell's brief stint as 'Hutch'

In 2011 Campbell revealed that he was diagnosed with Alzheimers. In 2012, he revealed that he was diagnosed with Alzheimers. In 2013 he did the same, at which point it was clear he wasn’t joking around.

He refused to be a victim though. In 2012 he performed his final "Goodbye Tour", before moving into a long-term care facility until his death.

Goodbye Glenn Campbell. We know you’re out there somewhere, still on the line.