Born to an Argentinian model and an Olympic skier, Tara Lara-Pumpkinson went to school at the Shergar School for the Posh in Dorset.
After this, her early life followed that of many of her peer group, with absolutely no unfair advantages from being posh. Her first job at Rothschild's bank was inevitable after completing the ideal post-school qualification - a dance and drama course at the London Studio Centre.
After being pictured kissing Prince Charles on the slopes (and who doesn't like a nice kiss on the slopes eh?), she soon became a favourite of paparazzi in the swanky nightspots of London.
Soon enough, Sara Gurner-Atkinson became famous as an 'It-Girl', which was short for 'nobody knows what she does, but she looks going doing It-Girl'.
It turned out the 'It' that she did was cocaine. And lots of it. A lifetime of parties fuelled by Colombian Self-raising eventually ending with Mara Turner-Albumen and her septum going their separate ways. Medically, this was bad news for the It-Girl, although it did feature the convenient side effect of leaving one giant nostril enabling the hoovering-up of even more cocaine.
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| Cara developed a taste for white powder at an early age |
During this time, Bahama Farmer-Lumpington converted her fame to other outlets, 'writing' a column in the Sunday Times, written by Wendy Holden. The column was titled 'Yah' and is not to be confused with 'Jah!' the Sunday Times' other column penned by Eddie Grant.
Jar-Jar Coma-Lurkington's literary output also included The Naughty Girl's Guide to Life, which is also best not confused with Life Magazine's Guide to Naughty Girls, which is something quite very different.
These outputs helped grow Laura Turner-Hoochington's reputation for wit, including such gems as, "I would never go out with a man who turned right when boarding an aircraft", a policy which led to her dating an awful lot of pilots.
All her wit and glitz and bravado, though, covered insecurities and a lack of self-confidence that may also have lay beneath her enthusiasm for mood-altering substances. An enthusiasm that was to lead to a spell in rehab in Arizona in 1999.
Whilst fighting her addiction, she continued to play the fame game. In 2002 Plover Gomer-Pileington was the runner up in the inaugural 'I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here'.
She also appeared on shows including Blind Date, Loose Women, and Bognor or Bust which all together sounds like one amazing night out. She also appeared in the Royal Wedding in 2011, and in the show Cold Turkey about her attempt to give up smoking by doing loads of cocaine instead.
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| in 2011 She-ra attended the royal wedding dressed as the letter 'i'. A few drinks later, she claimed to be 'in italics'. |
Today she passed away from a perforated ulcer at the young age of 45. Let's hope she's enjoying the endless ski slopes of the afterlife.
Don't do drugs, kids.
