Stephen Hawking, 1942 - 2018

Celebrity physicist and inveterate cameo-apperarer Stephen Hawking passed away today.

Stephen Hawking, best known for his best-selling science books A Brief History of Time, and The Selfish Gene, was born in 1942 in Oxford, meaning he both went to, and came from Oxford, which suggests that he didn't really go anywhere.

As a child, the Hawking family moved to St Albans, where eight-year-old Stephen attended St Albans High School for Girls, which must have been a bit confusing.

He also later attended Radlett School, where he learned to scrape hot cheese into a delicious sandwich.

Although known at school as "Einstein", Hawking was not initially successful academically. But then again, neither was Einstein, so perhaps it was a clever nickname after all.

Things really began to kick off when Hawking began his university education studying mathematics and the use of redundant words at University College, Oxford University, Oxford. Although initially he was bored and lonely – finding the work "ridiculously easy", the poor petal, in his second and third year he developed into a popular college member, interested in classical music and science fiction, the daft nerd.

Hawking's attempts to shatter the nerd stereotype were not as successful as hoped

Hawking received a first-class degree in natural science and toddled off to Cambridge to study Cosmology and other well-known women's magazines.

It was around this time that Hawking was diagnosed, shortly after his 21st birthday as suffering from motor neurone disease, which might have discouraged a lesser soul.

Not Hawking though, who went on to complete his thesis on the topic of The Entire Universe.

Stephen Hawking as Newt Scamander in the film Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them

From 1973, Hawking moved into the study of quantum gravity and quantum mechanics, which are like regular gravity and mechanics, except they don't make any sense. And it was around this time he took part in The Black Hole War, a conflict featuring substantially fewer lasers and more academic bickering than you might hope.

This was all part of Hawking's move into the even-bigger question of 'what's it all about eh?' as famously also posed by Alfie.

Hawking was keen to discover a grand unified theory of the universe, declaring, "If we discover a complete theory, it would be the ultimate triumph of human reason – for then we should know the mind of God." This, of course, included the risk the we came to know the mind of God and it was thinking "I wonder if I left the oven on."  But Hakwing was a risk-taker.

Part of this quest included his writings that brought the clever stuff of physics within touching distance of the average human understanding. His book A Brief History of Time was a tome everyone bought, some of them read, and a handful understood even through the last chapters where it all gets a bit difficult. It sold an estimated 9 million copies. Wow.

This brought Hawking fame as a scientist, leading him to become the voice of science, which was ironic as by this point his disease had progresses such that he required an electronic speech synthesiser, about as apt a 'voice of science' as you could imagine.

Hawking began to appear in a wide variety of pop culture outlets, including a cameo role on The Simpsons, which is how you really know you've made it.

He wasn't always right, though. He had a long standing bet with Peter Higgs over the existence of the Higgs Boson (which, unsurprisingly, Higgs was a big fan of). The two would debate the existence of this particle vigorously, right up until the moment someone build a Large Hadron Collider, mashed a few molecules together and went 'Look, there's one over there'.

To his credit, Hawking immediately paid up.

Hawking is also one of the few people in history to hold a party at which nobody turns up, and he's glad.

As a test of his thinking that time travel is impossible, Hawking held a party open to all in 2009. He had food and champagne laid on for all comers. But he publicised the party only after it was over so that only time-travellers would know to attend.

Nobody came, as he expected, and he was delighted.

Of course, it's possible time travellers have better things to do than attend celebrity parties, but it was all good PR and anything that continues to keep people interested in science has to be a good thing.

Where you're going, you don't need wheels

Hawking died in his home in Cambridge, England at the age of 76, which is pretty good going for someone given only a few years to live at the age of 21.

Good on you Stephen, you sure showed 'em.

Lovebug Starski 1960 - 2018

Musician and DJ Lovebug Starski, has died.

Lovebug Starski was born Kevin Smith in the Bronx on May 16, 1960.

As a youth he was a member of the notorious Black Spades gang, who managed to avoid people asking if perhaps their name was a bit racist mostly because “Everyone used to carry machetes,” as he told one reporter.

Beyond this, though, Lovebug Starski was a mainstay of the emerging rap scene in the 1970s. He started out carrying records and equipment for the disco D.J. Pete “DJ” Jones, during which he was known as Kevin “Carries the Kit” Smith.

Cleverly changing his name to Lovebug Starski, in 1978 he became was the house D.J. at the crucial South Bronx club ‘Disco Fever’, sister club to Harlem’s ‘Rockin’ Pneumonia’, and New Jersey’s ‘Funk Rickets’.

But things really took off after The Sugarhill Gang released Rapper’s Delight. This was a dessert similar to Angel Delight but with more diamonds and cocaine, and which prompted a huge increase in interest in rapping.

This was good news for Starski, who had been supplementing his DJ work by investigating crime with his friend and partner Hutch, but who now started releasing his own singles as an MC.

At the start of his career, an impoverished Starski had to make his jumpers out of coloured bin liners

His first album was House Rocker in 1986. This featured his most successful chart single, Amityville (The House on the Hill), which made it to number 12 on the UK singles chart. #

To celebrate, Starski did lots and lots of cocaine. Very shortly afterwards, he was arrested twice for burglary and once for petty larceny, and was incarcerated until 1991. Because cocaine.

After his release he returned to DJ-ing and producing. In the 1990s he was the D.J. at Kimora Lee’s wedding to exercise guru Richard Simmons, and at various events Phat Farm, a spa and retreat for overweight dyslexics.

In recent years he moved to Las Vegas and took up a weekly residency at the rooftop lounge of Indian restaurant Turmeric and made various other appearances.

But sadly Starski experienced a fatal heart attack on February 8th, suffered whilst moving speakers, in a tragic callback to his start in the industry. Goodbye Lovebug Starski. Hip hop hard in heaven.

Mark E Smith 1957 - 2018

Mark E Smith, singer and front man of post-punk band The Fall has died.

Smith was raised in Prestwich, Greater Manchester, a town famed for its flattened sandwiches, and attended Stand Grammar School for Boys, an educational establishment that managed to balance its budget by simply selling all the chairs.

Before finding success with music, Smith’s first job was in a meat factory, where he assembled cows on the production line. After this, he became a shipping clerk in Salford. Or at least that was his excuse for going down to the docks every day.

Although not initially all that interested in music, Smith formed The Fall after seeing the Sex Pistols’ famous Lesser Free Trade Hall gig in June 1976. This became dubbed “the gig that changed the world”, because, as well as Smith, it was witnessed by future members of Joy Division, the Smiths and Buzzcocks, who all left with a sudden realisation that to form a band, being interested in music was really just a nice-to-have.

"Where do you get your ideas from, Mark?"

Named after Smith’s favourite season, The Fall’s original line-up soon fell victim to what would prove to be Smith’s signature lyric – “hey band member, you’re sacked!”. In fact, Smith was the only constant member in The Fall, which over the years managed to boast a total of 66 members.

Throughout the changing lineups, The Fall produced songs showcasing Smith’s biting and caustic wit delivered with a tuneless, declamatory style. Which apparently people liked. Over the years, The Fall succeeded in producing 31 studio albums and 32 live albums, not including the output of his other band Mark E Mark and the Funky Bunch.

Smith wasn’t just a musician though. In 1986, he wrote the play Hey, Luciani based around the short reign of Pope John Paul I because, why not? Smith also made an appearance in the BBC Three sitcom Ideal in May 2007, playing a foulmouthed, chain-smoking Jesus because, why not?

"You're fired!" Bandmember's-eye view

Originally a Labour supporter, Smith later joined the Socialist Workers Party. That said, when asked what policies he would adopt if he became Prime Minister, he said "I'd half the price of cigarettes, double the tax on health food, then I'd declare war on France,” which sounds like classic UKIP.

As suggested by his inability to hang on to band members, Smith was not an easy character to get on with. A drinker with a dark side, he was described by his first wife Brix (who Smith finally wed after aborted dalliances with Straw and Stix respectively) as a man who "had a chip on both shoulders” and, apparently no ketchup, which may explain the grumpiness.

Eventually, the booze and the fags took their toll on Smith’s health, leading him to play some of his later gigs from a wheelchair, leaving fans wondering if it was some artistic statement or if he just couldn’t stand up. It was the latter. Smith’s health worsened and finally, he passed away.

If there’s a music heaven, Smith is probably up there now, trying to sack the angels. 

Bella Emberg 1937 - 2018

Bella Emberg, actress, comedy talent, Blunderwoman, has passed away.

She was born in Brighton to actors Bela Lugosi and Anita Emberg. A natural performer, she made her entertainment debut in Ryde, Isle of Wight in 1962. Whilst there, the poor reception she initially experienced led the Beatles to write a song about her experience, featuring the famous lyric "She got a ticket to Ryde and they don't care."

Undeterred, she went on to appear in British classic TV shows including a role on Grange Hill as a cleaner, an appearance on The Benny Hill show as the sexy lady least likely to actually catch Benny, and a small appearance in the show consisting entirely of footage of traffic policement sleeping on the job, Z Cars.

True fame came to Bella, though in her performances alongside comedian Russ Kane, who was at that time the head of a monastery, in The Russ Abbott Show which ran from 1980 to 1996. Emberg most memorably played Blunderwoman alongside Russ as Cooperman, a hilarious re-imagining of Superman as a traditional barrel-maker.

Be careful when she spins round to transform, or she'll have yer eye out

Emberg could raise a laugh just walking on screen in that costume, about which she recalled, "The first time I put it on, I span around and my boobs fell out!", leading her to keep them safely in a locked drawer for subsequent performances.

Ironically iconic, Emberg became so known for that one role that it created problems in her later career. "I went for jobs, "she recalled, "and they'd say: 'We'd love to hire you but you're too well known with Russ. But once every few weeks, I go and look at that Blunder Woman costume, still hanging up at home, and feel nothing but gratitude." Despite it being dry-clean only.

Emberg supplemented her income in later years by hiring herself out as a Christmas ornament

Emberg continued to work, though, and she had recently finished filming her part on the new Sky One comedy In The Long Run, which has been created by Idris Elbow and is due to premiere later this year. So watch out for that.

Rest in peace Bella, you made us laugh, thank you.

Keith Chegwin 1957 - 2017

Keith Chegwin, presenter, nudist and inventor of the slightly-racist boardgame Chinese Cheggers, died today.

Chegwin was born in Liverpool on 17^th January 1957. As a young man he was talent-spotted by June Collins, the mother of Phil Collins. This was how young Keith came to sing the first song that Phil Collins ever wrote, an experience which sadly put neither of them off the idea.

His TV career started with roles with the Children's Film Foundation (now known as Platinum Dunes) and quickly graduated to mainstream TV. In 1973, Chegwin appeared in the pilot episode of Open All Hours, about an old shopkeeper, and The Liver Birds, a series following the adventures of a pair of female Hannibal Lecter copycats. He also appeared in more adult fare, featuring in ITV’s ode to masturbation, The Wackers and also in the controversial interracial porno, The Adventures of Black Beauty. 

In the mid 1970s, Chegwin moved away from acting, becoming a household name as a presenter of the multi-ethnic swinging show, Multi-coloured Swap Shop. After this came stints on Saturday Superstore, which introduced a generation of kids to the delights of a Saturday job on the tills at Morrisons, and of course the tragically prophetic, Cheggers Goes Pop.

To recreate this classic Cheggers look, just ask your hairdresser for the 'Menopausal Headmisstress'

Chegwin's career waned in the late 1980s and 1990s, due to his alcoholism, which he revealed to Richard and Judy in 1992, leading a sympathetic Richard Madely to swipe a couple of bottles of champagne for him from the local Tesco.

Not to be kept down, Cheggers made something of a revival with a role in Channel 4’s The Big Breakfast. His segment, Down Your Doorstep, saw Keith investigating the horrors of homelessness with his usual cheeky charm, coining the catchphrase, “Wake up you beggars – it’s Cheggers!”

Probably his most famous role in his later years, though, was when Cheggers made headlines for the show The Naked Jungle for Channel 5. This was presented by Chegwin entirely naked apart from one item of clothing - a pith helmet – making life entirely too easy for the nation’s headline writers.

Christine Keeler also died this  month

After this, Cheggers’ career followed the traditional route for declining fame – featuring on Celebrity Big Brother, appearing as a contestant on BBC1's painfully—aptly named Pointless Celebrities, and competing in Dancing on Ice, in which celebrities would attempt to figure skate after smoking a substantial amount of methamphetamine.

His autobiography, Shaken But Not Stirred, was published in 1995, and he passed away from lung disease today.

Goodbye Cheggers.

Bruce Forsythe 1928 – 2017

Bruce Forsythe, singer, dancer and author of Day of The Jackal, has died.

Bruce was born and raised in Edmonton, Middlesex. He was born to Florence, a singer, and John Thomas Forsythe-Johnson, also known as The Machine.

He started in show business aged 14 with an act called “Boy Bruce, the Mighty Atom” in which, the young Bruce would go 12 rounds with female boxer Barbara Buttrick. It wasn’t long, though, before, Bruce made his debut on television.

He made his first appearance at the age of 11 in 1939, just three years after BBC started. The show was Come and Be Televised, an early foray by the BBC into broadcasting amateur porn.

After this, Bruce tried to develop his career. His first advert in trade paper The Stage read: "Bruce Forsyth: available for anything," which any viewer of Come and be Televised would have known already.

Regular strikes in the seventies meant you could be left waiting at the Post Office for hours

Meanwhile, the other big ticket event of 1939 was the outbreak of World War II. All the nation’s healthy young men were signed up for the fight. Except Bruce.

As it happened, the list of essential-to-the-nation professions protected from being drafted for the front lines included doctors, sewage workers, miners and light entertainers. So Brucey bravely battled the Bosch from Studio B, deploying an arsenal of pithy one-liners in the service of freedom, democracy and a nice chuckle for that tricky hour between the end of the news and the start of the bombing.

 Bruce was probably most famous for his stints on a string of much-loved British games shows. He fronted The Generation Game, a show in which families competed to see who could pedal up the most electricity in 30 minutes, Play Your Cards Right, which asked contestants to look at a playing card and decide if it was a big number, or a small one, and You Bet! where a group of players had to guess which one of them was secretly in recovery with Gamblers Anonymous.

A still from Brucey’s controversial Stork adverts. Many found the strapline ‘buy Stork margarine or I’ll fucking kill you’ a little full-on. 

In 1986, he even went to the United States to host a game show on ABC, Bruce Forsyth's Hot Streak, in which he would interrupt a different sporting event each week by running onto the pitch wearing nothing but a light coating of chilli sauce.

Not all his gameshows were so popular, however. His failures included Takeover Bid (there were no bids), Hollywood or Bust (bust) and Didn’t They Do Well, which was a title just asking for trouble really.

In his personal life, Bruce was blessed with many loves. From 1953 to 1973, he was married to Penny Calvert. After this, he was married to Anthea Redfern, the hostess on The Generation Game. Then, in 1980, judging the 1980 Miss World competition, he fell in love with fellow judge, 1975’s Miss World, Wilnelia Merced.

From marrying the girl next door to wedding a TV celebrity to hitching up with Miss World, it’s hard not to suspect he spent his life working up not just the career ladder, but the wife ladder as well. He did equally well on both ladders.

Forsthye had something of a late-career renaissance as co-presenter of S&M Ballroom Competition Strictly Come Dancing. In fact, it was on a special edition of this show that he made his last ever TV appearance - Strictly Children in Need Special, in which the normal dancers and celebrities were replaced for one episode only by at-risk youth.

In the end, ill-health caught up with Bruce. After a chest infection, and other issues, on 18 August 2017 he died at his home.

He made it to the grand old age of 89, having had a career in television for almost as long as there had been television. Didn't he do well?

Brucey Bonus– five famous Forsythe phrases 

1. “Didn’t he do well.” 
2. “Nice to see you, to see you, nice.” 
3. “Powerful you have become, the dark side I sense in you.” 
4. “You don’t get anything for a pair, not in this game, this isn’t snap, for fuck’s sake.“ 
5. “You’re much fitter than my current wife, will you marry me?”

Glenn Campbell 1936 - 2017

The country singer Glenn Campbell has died.

 Glen Travis Campbell was born in Billstown on April 22, 1936, the seventh son of twelve children. It is not recorded whether his father was also a seventh son, but then nobody has seen a picture of Campbell down by the crossroads either.

Glenn was born to John Wesley, theologian and the inventor of Methodism, and Carrie Dell Campbell. The family were sharecroppers, which meant they grew stock certificates from seed investments.

Campbell started playing guitar at age four after being given a five-dollar guitar as a gift by his uncle Boo, which was a surprise.

By the time he was six he was performing on local radio stations, probably because it was a lot preferable to picking cotton. In 1954 he moved to Albuquerque to join his uncle’s band, known as Dick Bills, a popular slang terms for penicillin prescriptions.

Eventually, Campbell headed West to Los Angeles where he joined the superviliain group the Wrecking Crew, comprised of Bulldozer, Piledriver, Thunderball, and the Wrecker.

Whilst there, he also played on recordings by big names including Dean Martin, Nat King Cole, The Monkeys, Frank Sinatra and Elvis Presley.

In May 1961 Campbell was signed up by Crest toothpaste, for whom he created his famous range of soups. In 1965 he finally had a hit, reaching number 45 on the Hot 100 with "Universal Soldier". The song had a deeply pacifist message. When asked about it, Campbell said, "people who are advocating burning draft cards should be hung.” Right then.

Things continued to look up and Campbell had more hits with Wichita Lineman, the ballad of a Kansas cocaine dealer, and Galveston a haunting hymn to the pink indigestion medicine.

Campbell's producer told him it was high time he 'laid down some tracks' 

Campbell’s most famous hit came in the mid-1971s, when he reached number one with Rhinestone Cowboy, from the soundtrack to the New York hustler movie starring Dustin Hoffman.

It wasn’t all good news. his first feature film, 1970's Norwood, flopped almost everywhere, except for a niche South London crowd. And Campbell lapsed into alcoholism and cocaine addiction, possibly due to the stress of his ongoing feud with Macdonalds - he would freak out if he so much as glanced at a fillet-o-fish.

Few remembered Campbell's brief stint as 'Hutch'

In 2011 Campbell revealed that he was diagnosed with Alzheimers. In 2012, he revealed that he was diagnosed with Alzheimers. In 2013 he did the same, at which point it was clear he wasn’t joking around.

He refused to be a victim though. In 2012 he performed his final "Goodbye Tour", before moving into a long-term care facility until his death.

Goodbye Glenn Campbell. We know you’re out there somewhere, still on the line.

Chester Bennington 1976 - 2017

Chester Bennington was widely known as the man behind business social media site LinkedIn Park and gained prominence as a singer in the band of the same name.

Bennington was born from his own ashes in Arizona on March 20, 1976. His mother was a nurse, while his father was a police detective.

They divorced when he was 11, when he began a lifetime struggle with drugs.

Bennington first began singing with a band called Sean Dowdell and His Friends? which was as popular as it was grammatically annoying. He then joined post-grunge outfit Grey Daze.

Linkin Park enjoyed enormous and immediate acclaim with their debut album Hybrid Theory. Their sound became emblematic of the nu-metal genre, one of the few genres to include a diet, which consisted only of korn and limp biscuits.

Hybrid Theory sold more than 20 million copies, reaching No 2 on the US chart and No 4 in the UK. Singles from the album include their moving tribute to Michael Phelps, Crawling, and their classic anthem to anal sex, In the End.

In a surprise move, the band’s follow-up release was Meteor, a free and open-source isomorphic JavaScript web framework.

In his personal life, Bennington was briefly married to Elkie Brooks, with whom he had a child, Jaime Lannister. Later, in 2006, he married Talinda Ann Rolls Royce Bentley, with whom he also had twins, whom he named Lilly and Lila, which seems cruel.

Tragically, despite his band’s success, Bennington was unable to overcome his demons, stemming from abuse he experienced as a child and on this day, he committed suicide.

 It was a tragedy, but in his own words, in the end, it doesn’t even matter.

Goodbye Chester Bennington.

Tara Palmer-Tomkinson 1971 - 2017

Tara Pamela Timkinson died today.

Born to an Argentinian model and an Olympic skier, Tara Lara-Pumpkinson went to school at the Shergar School for the Posh in Dorset.

After this, her early life followed that of many of her peer group, with absolutely no unfair advantages from being posh. Her first job at Rothschild's bank was inevitable after completing the ideal post-school qualification - a dance and drama course at the London Studio Centre.

But falling into banking was not enough for Flora Burner-Bumpkinson, so she fell into fame instead.

After being pictured kissing Prince Charles on the slopes (and who doesn't like a nice kiss on the slopes eh?), she soon became a favourite of paparazzi in the swanky nightspots of London.

Soon enough, Sara Gurner-Atkinson became famous as an 'It-Girl', which was short for 'nobody knows what she does, but she looks going doing It-Girl'.

It turned out the 'It' that she did was cocaine. And lots of it. A lifetime of parties fuelled by Colombian Self-raising eventually ending with Mara Turner-Albumen and her septum going their separate ways. Medically, this was bad news for the It-Girl, although it did feature the convenient side effect of leaving one giant nostril enabling the hoovering-up of even more cocaine.

Cara developed a taste for white powder at an early age

During this time, Bahama Farmer-Lumpington converted her fame to other outlets, 'writing' a column in the Sunday Times, written by Wendy Holden. The column was titled 'Yah' and is not to be confused with 'Jah!' the Sunday Times' other column penned by Eddie Grant.

Jar-Jar Coma-Lurkington's literary output also included The Naughty Girl's Guide to Life, which is also best not confused with Life Magazine's Guide to Naughty Girls, which is something quite very different.

These outputs helped grow Laura Turner-Hoochington's reputation for wit, including such gems as, "I would never go out with a man who turned right when boarding  an aircraft", a policy which led to her dating an awful lot of pilots.

All her wit and glitz and bravado, though, covered insecurities and a lack of self-confidence that may also have lay beneath her enthusiasm for mood-altering substances. An enthusiasm that was to lead to a spell in rehab in Arizona in 1999.

Whilst fighting her addiction, she continued to play the fame game. In 2002 Plover Gomer-Pileington was the runner up in the inaugural 'I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here'.

She also appeared on shows including Blind Date, Loose Women, and Bognor or Bust which all together sounds like one amazing night out. She also appeared in the Royal Wedding in 2011, and in the show Cold Turkey about her attempt to give up smoking by doing loads of cocaine instead.

in 2011 She-ra attended the royal wedding dressed as the letter 'i'. A few drinks later, she claimed to be 'in italics'.

The latter years of her life saw Farrah Burner-Barnington distance herself from her party girl image. She declared,  “I am not the person I was. I’m much calmer… the party world scares me. I am a very quiet person now. I have a better perspective on life.”

Today she passed away from a perforated ulcer at the young age of 45. Let's hope she's enjoying the endless ski slopes of the afterlife.

Don't do drugs, kids.

John Hurt 1940 -2017

John Hurt, actor, raconteur, drinker, wrinkle-factory, died today. Little is known of the birth of John Hurt, save that it was to the son of a preacher man and Dusty Springield. Hurt was on a particularly elegant sofa.  

A chesterfield such as the one where John Hurt was born

Whilst at school Hurt showed an interest in acting, taking the role of Lady Bracknell Town. He uttered the famous line 'A handbag' in answer to the question, 'what will your skin be like in a few years time?'.

Hurt then went on to study at St Martin's College of art and Design, causing his parents to become excited that their dream of him becoming an art teacher might actually come true.

It did not, Hurt pursued his acting dream, appearing in theatre and television. He starred in the 1974 George Harrison funded film Little Malcolm, later remade for television as Malcolm in the Middle. He also appeared in I, Clavdivs as Calligraphy, the emperor who was mad about lettering. He also played cigarette smuggler Winston Smith in 1984 in 1984.

Hurt's breakthrough performance, though, came in the production The Naked Civil Servant. He portrayed Quentin Crisp. At the time, people said playing Crisp would end his career. Then again people say eating crisps will end your life, but that doesn’t make it necessarily a bad idea. Anyway, they were wrong and Hurt's portrayal won him much acclaim.

John Hurt playing a young Maggie Smith playing Quentin Crisp

Continuing his tendency to portray outsiders and misfits, Hurt then went on portray John Merrick, elephant man and part-time guitarist with Adam and the Ants.

It took seven hours of make up for Hurt to look like the elephant man, which makes you wonder how ugly he must have been beforehand. It was worth it though, critics and audiences alike marvelled at the sensitive portrayal of Merrick. Hurt took home an Oscar for his troubles.

It wasn’t just award-winning films he was in, though. He was in stuff you've seen too, including Harry Potter, Hellboy and Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

Despite all these roles, however, most people will remember John Hurt like this...

The film is, of course, Alien, in which Hurt is seen here experiencing the consequences of the Galaxy's hottest curry.

Hurt's personal life was as colourful as his screen existence too. Hurt drank with O' Toole, Burton and Harris, or at least thought he did, but couldn't really quite remember for sure as it was all a bit of a blur.

With the drinking came trouble, even as late as 2004 when he was thrown out of Spearmint Rhino for 'boorish behaviour' which makes you wonder if he shouldn't have behaved a little more rhino-ish instead.

All this and more was documented in the 2008 film of stories from John's life, The Hurt Locker. 

Hurt was married four times and seemed to really be getting the hang of it on that last go, when pancreatic cancer unfortunately intervened.

Farewell John Hurt, you will always be The Storyteller to me. Also you were Hazel in Watership Down. Brilliant.  

Graham Taylor 1944 - 2017

Graham Taylor, theologian and manager of the England football team, passed away today.

Born in Worksop, Taylor grew up in Sblockedhorpe, the son of a sports journalist who wanted to write about his son for a living.

Taylor showed promise as a player and soon turned professional, becoming The Apprentice at Sblockedhorpe Town FC but he was eventually fired for not selling enough sausages at a continental market. After this, he turned in performances for Grimsby, scoring 37% on Rotten Tomatoes.

It was as a manager, thought, that Taylor will really be remembered.  He found success as manager of Watford Town, a team captained by pop superstar Elton John who was notorious for getting booked for aggresive conduct if the game was scheduled too late on a Saturday. Taylor guided star names such as Jaqueline Blisset and rapper John Barnes to take Watford to the first division.

After this, Taylor went repeated his success with Aston Villa. Then in 1990 he got the job of managing the England team.

Unfortunately for Taylor, his squad included Alan 'Sheep' Shearer, comedian Robin Ince, Archduke Franz Ferdinand, Peter Beardsley and a load of jizz in goal, none of whom could knock it.

As a result, England was knocked out in the qualifying stages, causing The Sun newspaper to liken Taylor to a turnip, cleverly implying that he was useless, whilst retaining the opportunity should he have turned into a success to use the headline 'That's a turnip for the books'.

This frustrating period was captured memorably in the film The Impossible Job, where he became known for his catchphrases including 'Can we not knock it', 'Do I not like that' and 'You were only supposed to blow the bloody doors off'.

Sadly, Taylor was unable to inspire the England players to the heights they have subsequently proved incapable of reaching. In 1993 he resigned to spend more time in his allotment talking to vegetables, who were at least more likely to listen to him.

Further management stints at Watford and Hi Ho Wolverhampton  followed, along with a late-life career as a pundit on Radio 5 Live.

After returning once more to Watford as Director and Interim Chairman, Taylor was made honorary president for life of the club he loved. A stand at the Watford ground on Vicarage road bears his name to this day. It is not a turnip stand.

Graham Tayor has passed away. Do I not like that?

David Bowie 1947 - 2016

David Bowie, actor, singer-songwriter and astronaut passed away today.

Born Davy Jones in Brixton to Peggy and John,

1953 move to Bromley

1962 schoolyard punch-up, the pupil in David’s left eye remained permanently dilated, 

As a youngster he formed a band called the Kon-Rads before quitting to set up a new outfit, a blues-influenced band named the King Bees, a name he hit upon after a particularly insect-infested picnic. After this was another band, the Manish Boys who aren't remembered for much, despite releasing a single with Mr T, I Pity The Fool.  

Little-known musical collaborator

After this came another band, The Lower Third, whose name along showed their lack of ambition, so inevitably the day came that Davy Jones went solo. This was also the first time Bowie displayed his astonishing capacity for self-reinvention, changing his look radically so he was barely recognisable - something that was to become a hallmark of his career. 

From Davy Jones to David Bowie - the first transformation

Bowie put together a backing band called The Buzz, suggesting he still hadn't yet recovered from his obsession with bees. After an initial release of a novelty single entitled The Laughing Gnome flopped, he then released an LP entitled David Bowie because he was still having trouble remembering his new name.  

It was about this time that Bowie started studying mime, which doesn't suggest much faith in his singing.

In 1969, whilst working as an astronaut, Bowie released a recording of his messages back to earth, which became the basis for his breakout hit, Space Oddity. Then in 1970, The Man Who Sold The World was released in the US, prompting many to suspect that, whilst in space, Bowie had encountered aliens... after all, who else would you sell the world to?

The answer came with his next band, when Bowie recruited his new extra-terrestrial friends along with Alvin Stardust's brother into the band Ziggie Stardust and the Spiders From Mars.

He went on to score his first UK number one album with Aladdin Sane, the soundtrack to that year's least entertaining panto.

In 1976 Bowie came back to this planet as described in the documentary The Man Who Fell to Earth. It was at this time that he found notoriety by expressing a certain sympathy with the fascism, prompting outrage in the UK so that he ended up seeking to quell people's concerns by relocating to Berlin.

Further success came with the music accompanying seventies throwback cop drama Ashes to Ashes. 

Possibly the peak of Bowie's career, though, came in 1986, when he played Jareth, the Goblin King in the film Labyrinthe, alongside Jennifer Connelly and a number of other muppets.

It was downhill from here, with the formation of Bowie's new band, Tin Ear Machine, and his dabbling in islam resulting in a marriage to a Somalian Imam.

After this, it was basically releasing a load of old rubbish, but in 1997 he put himself back in the headline by releasing Bowie Bonds, a financial instrument that promised investors a big payout if Bowie were to ever construct a substantial piece of national infrastructure.

In latter years, Bowie got his groove back, releasing the single Where Are We Now, giving him his first UK top 10 hit since 1993 and, in 2014 he won the Brit award for Best British Male, which is either an impressive achievement, or speaks pretty badly of all the other British males in the world.

It was to be Bowie's swansong as 2016 was to be the year liver cancer finally got the better of David Bowie.

Thanks for all the tunes, David, you truly were a star, man. 

Carrie Fisher 1952 - 2016

Carrie Fisher, American actress, writer and Space Princess passed today.

The daughter of Burt Reynolds and Isla Fisher, she is most famous for her role in Star Wars. She famously portrayed Princess Leia as a no-nonsense independent woman, and the first woman in the galaxy to run a successful combination hairdresser/patisserie.

During the filming of Star Wars, Fisher admitted to having an affair with Han Solo, the man from UNCLE, in reality actor Harrison Ford. Ford explained his monochrome wardrobe in that film saying, "I could have any colour I wanted, as long as it was black."

Fisher also appeared in cult hit The Blues Brothers, which chronicled the struggle against depression experienced by two of the Reservoir Dogs.

Fisher battled throughout her life with the twin demons of addiction and bipolar disorder. The former caused her to smoke pot plants from the age of 13 onwards, the second rendered her unable to approach magnets. In her desperation to recover, she underwent numerous treatments, including the controversial electrofunk therapy, alienating many jazz funk purists.

It was these troubles that fuelled much of her work as a writer, as which she enjoyed something of a renaissance. Her first foray into writing was actually a collection of missives from U2's 1987 tour, Postcards from the Edge.

Other writings included Surrender the Pink, and Delusions of Grandma neither of which is advisable to Google for yourself. Her final book, The Princess Diarist was published this year, and detailed Fisher's early life as a shy San Francisco teenager who is thrown for a loop when, from out of the blue, she learns the astonishing news that she's a real-life princess!

Fisher was also known for her relationships, including years spent with musician Paul Simon, during which she was known as Al Fisher. The song Heart and Bones is about the relationship, although the title is widely considered a bit TMI.

She also dated comedian Dan Ackroyd, but the relationship couldn't survive his spending long periods of time away with the answer to the question 'Who ya gonna call' never being 'Carrie Fisher'.

Most recently, Fisher was seen on-screen reprising her role as Leia in Star Wars: Episode VII, proving to the world that her buns had not yet gone stale.

She described herself as an, "enthusiastic agnostic who would be happy to be shown that there is a God". So presumably that's been cleared up for her one way or another.

For someone who was part of so many childhoods, in a sense, Carrie Fisher cannot really die. As Princess Leia, she lives on, in a gold bikini and the imaginations millions of once-teenage boys.

Farewell Princess, you will be missed.

George Michael 1963 - 2016

George Michael died today.

The son of a Greek Cypriot restaurant owner and an English dancer, his real name was Georgios Kyriacos Panayiotou, which he changed to George Michael in order to fit onto album covers, at a stroke wiping out his chance to become the highest scoring scrabble name in pop.

Inspired whilst eating a candy bar at school, George Michael teamed up with Andrew Ridgeley to form pop duo Wham!

Wham!'s success was extraordinary. Hits included the ballad of a man nodding off in a strip bar, Wake Me Up, Before You Go-Go, Club Tropicana  a tribute to George's favourite juice brand, and Careless Whisper, suspected by many to be about about accidentally farting during a job interview.

In addition to his work with Wham! George performed with Band Aid on the hit Do They Know It's Christmas? to raise awareness of the chronic shortage of calendars in Africa. Although the song raised a great deal of money, critics complained that it was little more than a sticking plaster for the problem.

In 1986 George Michael left Wham! and began a solo career releasing the Album Faith, followed by Listen Without Prejudice, which everyone assumed was going to be rubbish.  Meanwhile Ridgeley went on to marry Keren Woodward who was, interestingly, the Andrew Ridgeley of Bananarama.

It was also in 1986 that Michael was arrested in a public restroom for 'engaging in a lewd act', with a policeman who just happened to be passing, with his penis out, at the time. It was about this time that Michael came out as gay, after briefly considering the alternative, of coming out as a toilet attendant.

The penis-wrangling incident did little to dent Michael's popularity, so he tried again, getting arrested in London for possession of drugs in 2006 and again in 2008, although presumably not the same drugs.  As a result of a conviction for driving under the influence of David Cassidy, he spent four weeks in Highpoint Prison, plenty of time to consider the irony of the name.

Despite the arrests, the scandal and Andrew Ridgeley, Michael managed to become one of the must successful British artists of all time, selling more than 100 million records worldwide and bringing joy to millions with his music.

So long George, I hope you got further than the edge of Heaven.

Rick Parfitt 1948 - 2016

English musician Rick Parfitt died today.

Parfitt was best known as a member of the rock band Status Quo (latin for 'unchanging chords) with motorcyclist Velantino Rossi.

 Parfitt first met Rossi at Butlins in Minehead, where Rossi was playing in a band called The Spectres, later renamed as Traffic Jam, after the least tasty of all the jams.

In 1967 Traffic Jam found themselves going nowhere so they changed their name to The Status Quo, which didn't suggest much more in the way of progress. Nevertheless, it was a The Status Quo that Parfitt had his first hit, with the song Matchstalk Men and Matchstalk Cats and Dogs by Brian and Michael.

After this, the band dropped the definite article, making them indefinite, appropriate as that is how long many of their songs seemed to go on for.  But the hits kept coming, including 1977's Rockin' All Over The World, Whatever You Want (As Long As It's These Three Chords), and the ever-popular Down Down, written by Parfitt whilst on walkies with an excitable Jack Russell.

In 1976 the band signed a pioneering sponsorship deal with French Anthropologist Claude Lévi-Strauss, promoting his book  Structural Anthropology on all their tours. The band also became known for their distinctive denim-clad appearance, inspired by Irish pop moppets B*witched.

In addition to their foot-tapping tunes, the Quo were also known for their hard partying, regularly spending thousands a week on Vodka and Coke. And coke.

In 2005, Parfitt and Rossi played Cameo in an episode of Coronation Street singing Word Up and sporting red codpieces. In 2010 both men were awarded oboes by the Queen.

Over his long career with the Quo, Parfitt had over 60 chart hits in the UK.

And now, after bringing joy to millions, he's Rockin' All Over the Afterworld.

Goodbye Rick.

Prince 1958 - 2016

Prince died today.

Born Prince Roger Admiral Lord Nelson, he was a singer, a songwriter, guitarist and famously big a big fan of The Color Purple starring Whoopie Goldberg, and the reverend Ian Paisley.

Prince was born in Minneapolis to John and Mattie Nelson, the former being the leader of a jazz trio using the stage name Prince Rogers. As a child, Prince was nicknamed Skipper, due to his resemblance to a bush kangaroo, largely because it was so confusing having two people known as Prince in the house, although that never stopped the Windsors.

Musical from an early age, Prince released his first album in 1978, on which he wrote all the songs, sang the songs and played all the the instruments. The eventual release was entitled For You, a clever ploy to keep all his many girlfriends happy.

Prince had a minor success from the album, a tribute to Mr Whippy entitled Soft and Wet, which reached #92 on the Billboard Hot 100 chart. His breakthrough, though, came in 1979 with an album named after his father, Prince, from which he had a hit with I Wanna Be Your Lover, reaching the #11 spot. Prince followed this up with Dirty Mind, which featured songs such as Head, Uptown and Do It All Night, a trilogy telling of Prince's years in central Minneapolis working the nightshift. After this came 1999, released in 1982 due to a mix up in at Warner Brothers, which sold over 3 million copies.

Next came Controversy, followed by Purple Rain, a combination album and movie about pollution from the garment industry, winning Prince an Oscar for best original song score. This album scored Prince his first number one hit.

After this, Prince was a veritable fountain of hits, releasing memorable albums Around the World in Eighty Days, Parade, Razzle and Sign O' The Times. 

Around this time, Prince became interested in conservation and green energy production, supporting new power generation methods and cleaning spraypaint from public structures.

In 1992 as part of a spat with his label, Prince changed his name to...

... which was pronounced 'Prince', 'The Love Symbol' or 'Twat' depending on context. It was also at this time that he took to writing the word SLAVE on his face, presumably to remind himself to work really, really hard.

Prince was married twice, once to Mayte Garcia, a relationship that lasted four years, and again for five years after he married Mario Testino in 2001.

Through it all, Prince released album after album and, over the course of his career releasing thirty nine studio albums.

Sadly, there will be no more. Sometimes it Snows in April.

Victoria Wood 1953 - 2016

Victoria Wood comedienne and antique dealer died today.

Daughter of Ronnie and Birnham, Victoria Wood was born in Prestwich, Lancashire but soon moved to Bury which back then was still in Lancashire, although the town has sinced moved into Manchester for the better schools.

Wood was sent to Bury School, where she was attended such courses as Digging 101, Filling In and Treasure, Bones, Acorns and More.

Wood was unhappy at school, developing eating disorders, but in 1968, her father gave her a piano for her 15th birthday. Finding herself unable to eat it all, let alone throw it up again, Wood decided to investigate her musical side.

This led Wood to go on to travel to Alabama to study drama at the University of Birmingham.

In 1974, whilst still an undergraduate, Wood appeared on New Faces, an early example of the makeover show, after which she joined  fellow New Faces alumni Lenny Henry and Marti 'Michael' Caine in The Summer Show, which could have had a much longer run had they thought about the title before they started.

Her big break came in 1976 with an appearance on That's Life! a show which attempted to encapsulate the entirety of human existence through the medium of amusingly-shaped vegetables.  It was here that Wood met her long-time collaborator, Julie 'Muddy' Walters.

In fact, when Wood was finally offered a sketch show of her own, she refused unless Walters agreed to equal billing - resulting in the pair splitting the cost of lighting, sound and catering 50/50. The resulting show was named Wood and Walters. At this time Wood also found herself appearing in numerous other television productions include presenting Insight, a show for hearing-impaired children, and appearing on the popular  Radio 4 show set in a steak restaurant with a very limited menu, Just A Minute.

Wood's success continued through the eighties, when she also famously opened Acorn Antiques, although her decision to staff it with actors instead of experts led to commercial disaster.

Undeterred, Wood continued the comedy, becoming one of the best-loved entertainers in Britain. Speaking of her craft, Wood said, “Stand-up comedy is the ideal place for a shy person because you’re completely in control,” leaving the intriguing prospect of, if the comedy hadn't worked out, a possible second career as a dominatrix.

In the nineties and after,  Wood's output included the sitcom Dinnerladies about the hi-jinks in a cannibal village, and Victoria Wood as Seen on TV, leading to the Queen acknowledging her contribution to the arts by appointing her a CBeebie.

In her personal life, Wood was married to Geoffrey Durham aka The Great Soprendo with whom she would attend Quaker meetings, mostly for the porridge. The couple had two children but, unfortunately, in October 2002, Durham made himself disappear.

In a career spanning decades, Victoria Wood blazed a trail for women in comedy, as well as making millions laugh. Over her career she was nominated for 14 BAFTAs along the way and winning four of them.

And now she's gone.

Let's hope they have a subscription to Woman's Weekly in heaven eh?

Goodbye Victoria, and thank you.